Now I really really need the name of that bad writing contest

This is old but I just found it.

"The late-afternoon skies over lower downtown Denver were Stygian dark
and Tartarean dreary, as had been the Rockies in the series with the
omnipotent Yankees, when Todd Zeile approached the plate in the
culmination of the 10th inning, and there was a fulmination and
fulguration of thunder and lightning."
Woody Paige; A Ruthian Victory For the Locals; The Denver Post;
Jun 21, 2002.

As Cary Grant said in His Girl Friday, "Kick him down the stairs and tell him his poetry stinks."